Last week, we went climbing. We packed the cars, drove across Europe, and hung our hammocks in a forest full of rocks.
We ate a lot of croissants, drunk a lot of wine. We tried to climb. And failed, repeatedly.
Turns out it’s really hard to climb outside. Razor-thin hard, arms-and-legs-shaking hard. Afraid-of-falling-and-crushing-my-skull hard.
There was a lot of fear in the air for me, last week. Turns out I’m deeply afraid of standing a meter above the floor.
But maybe because this fear was so unfamiliar, was physical instead of intellectual, it was strangely refreshing to feel. I didn’t feel pressure, I didn’t fear failure the way I do in my daily life. I feared a life-threatening fall, knowing full well it wasn’t reasonable to think that – I stayed too close to the ground for that. But I was afraid of it nonetheless.
And I dealt with it, sort of. I stared at it, saw right through it, and tried climbing a little higher. And with every step I took, every move I made, I learned a little more about myself.